RUIDOSO, NM — Local baby Oliver Daniels patiently waited to be completely strapped in his car seat before unleashing Armageddon in his diaper.

"That's it Mommy, one more buckle," snickered Oliver as he readied to unload. "Come on now, let's get just barely out of the driveway, and... it's show time!"

According to sources, six-month old Oliver knew from the time he woke up that morning that an epic blowout was in store. "It was a question of when, not if," explained Oliver. "I spent the whole night before slamming pouches of mixed fruits and veggies. Then, I heard Mommy say we were getting in the car because she had an important meeting and couldn't be late. It was game on."

The Daniels family van reportedly went from peaceful to apocalyptic within a matter of seconds, as screams, gasses, and bodily fluids erupted in every direction. "The sheer physics of it all is mind-boggling," said neighbor Susan Reese as she surveyed the damage. "That may have totaled the van. Just set it on fire and start over."

At publishing time, Oliver reportedly had a devilish look in his eyes as he saw his Dad putting on a white dress shirt.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.