SHAWNEE, OK — A local grandfather railed against his offspring and younger generations in general this week, demanding to know why so many young people are still living with their parents well into adulthood, despite the fact that he once purchased a 5,000-square-foot home for the price of two potatoes.

"Back in MY day," Willard Shaw began his declaration, "It was shameful for a grown man to live with his parents. To think that kids these days just lay around looking at their Facegram and Instachats when they should be out there working in the fields so they can buy a house. Lazy bums!"

Shaw neglected to mention the fact that he purchased his first home on a massive plot of farmland in 1945 for the steep price of two large Idaho potatoes. "I couldn't believe that fella drove up the price like that," he said, recalling the purchase. "My buddy Arlo Wickett bought his house in the same town for just one potato! Can you believe I paid twice as much? I was such a young sucker back then, I tell ya. Still better than kids these days, though."

Shaw's great-grandchildren, who are finishing college with four-year degrees in high-paying fields, are now left hoping to accidentally discover vast oil reserves under their parents' homes in order to get enough money to buy houses.

At publishing time, Shaw had continued his rant against younger generations and their insistence on having to add cream and sugar to their coffee.

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